


Well, Fuck.

by scarletjedi



Category: Glee
Genre: Complete, Crack, F/M, M/M, fanfiction for fanfiction, oddest sex scene ever, pinch hitting an au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2012-10-15
Packaged: 2017-11-16 09:53:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletjedi/pseuds/scarletjedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Syd was over all the time after Finn came home, and the sight of Finn, big I-Play-Football Finn Hudson, with a teeny-tiny baby <i>did</i> something to her. It had to, because in the seconds between when Finn passed her a freshly changed Charlie to hold while he threw out the soiled diaper and when Finn took Charlie back to wrangle her into her onesie, Syd thought:</i>
  <br/>
  <i>I want a baby.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Syd blinked at Finn’s back as he cooed to his daughter.</i>
  <br/>
  <i> Well, fuck.</i>
  <br/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Well, Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Birth Day [October 7, 2019]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/440749) by [patchfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchfire/pseuds/patchfire), [raving_liberal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raving_liberal/pseuds/raving_liberal). 



> This was born of a conversation with raving_liberal about possible AUs for SOTB. The idea? Syd wants a baby. I may have plotted the fic out to her, and she said "well, why don't you write it?" So...I did. 
> 
> this is that fic. 
> 
> Thanks to patchfire and raving_liberal for letting me play in their sandbox. (and editing this :D)

Syd was over all the time after Finn came home, and the sight of Finn, big I-Play-Football Finn Hudson, with a teeny-tiny baby _did_ something to her. It had to, because in the seconds between when Finn passed her a freshly changed Charlie to hold while he threw out the soiled diaper and when Finn took Charlie back to wrangle her into her onesie, Syd thought:

_I want a baby._

Syd blinked at Finn’s back as he cooed to his daughter.

_Well, fuck._

***

Of course, it’s not that easy. Syd’s life was just not set up for a kid. But the thought remained and she found herself making certain choices, like starting to chart her fertility, getting a place in a good school district and actively seeking out babysitting nights for Finn, Kurt, and Noah’s brood, and so by the time, late in ‘26, that Finn told her that they’re having yet another kid and could Syd please handle the legalities of the adoption for Kurt and Noah, Syd blurted out:

“I want a kid.” Syd sighed. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Years. And I think it’s time.” 

Finn, bless him, just blinked for a moment, and said, “You can talk to Hannah. She can walk you through the whole turkey baster thing...” But he trailed off, because Syd didn’t really know what expression is on her face, but it couldn’t be good. “Or not.”

She shook her head. “No, I looked at that, too. It’s not something I’m comfortable with.” She sighed and dropped her hand. “It looks like it’s either adoption or getting a guy to fuck me, and it’s still nearly impossible to adopt a kid as a single mom and, even ignoring the fact that _I do not like dick,_ any guy that blasé about being a baby daddy is not someone I’d want to father my child.”

Finn frowned, and Syd waved a hand. “It’s fine,” she said. “I’ve come to terms. I’ll just have to play with your kids.” She flashed a grin. “And of course I’ll handle the adoption for you, you don’t even have to ask.”

Something complicated passed over Finn’s face, and when it cleared he nodded decisively. “I’ll fuck you,” Finn said.

Syd blinked. “What?”

Finn flushed, but pressed on, clearly more on board with his idea the more he spoke. “You want a baby. I want to give you that baby. You’re my bro, Syd.”

“Uh,” Syd said.

“I mean,” Finn said, “I’d need to check with Kurt and Noah, but I think this could happen.” Finn grabbed Syd’s shoulders. “Think about it. It’s perfect! No turkey baster for you. You get a baby. Your baby daddy is your best friend who you know, like, way too much about, but also that I love babies. Think about it! Your baby and our baby will be the same age! Like twins! And they can have play dates and birthdays and _family_ , Syd.”

Syd nodded after a long moment. She must be crazy, but it sounded kind of perfect. “Okay,” she said. “I’m good this weekend. Check.”

Finn grinned. “I’m gonna get you a baby!”

***

To be perfectly honest, Syd didn’t expect anything to come of it. She expected that Finn would bring it up with Kurt and Noah and the idea would get shot down and Syd would continue with her plans to be the best aunt the Hudson-Hummel brood could ask for.

She wasn’t disappointed. No, really. It was a crazy idea.

Thursday, Syd received a text from Kurt: _We’ve got a sitter for Saturday. Expect us at 8._

Syd blinked down at the screen and wondered what the hell she had gotten herself into.

***

By 7:30 on Saturday, Syd had convinced herself that the text had been nothing more than a dream, one that she refused to confirm or deny by checking her text history. At 7:35, she got a text from Finn: _Subway slow. Be late. 15 min._

So it wasn’t a fever dream.

Syd put her phone down and went to check that the sheets on her bed were clean. She knew Finn wouldn’t care, and she wasn’t going out of her way for him that way she would for someone she actually _wanted_ to sleep with, but he was giving her a baby. The least she could do was give them clean sheets.

Her doorbell rang at 8:12 pm, signaling the start of one of the strangest nights of Syd’s life.

Syd opened the door. Finn filled the doorway, holding a box from Syd’s favorite bakery. She took it with a raised eyebrow, and stepped back to let Finn, Noah, and Kurt into her apartment. Finn disappeared into her kitchen for goodness knows what, leaving her in the entryway with Kurt and Noah.

“Well,” Syd said. 

Noah smirked at her and she rolled her eyes at him. Of the three of them, she knew Noah appreciated the absurdity of the night the most. But, between the two of them, she had expected Kurt to put the brakes on tonight. They were both protective of Finn, but Kurt could be possessive in a way that—well—led to the pet name “bossofme.”

Kurt smiled at Syd, and Syd was suddenly happy Kurt had never gone into law. He could give her a run for her money.

“Indeed,” Kurt said. “I think the best course of action is to make sure everybody’s on the same page, so that there’s no confusion, later.”

“Of course,” Syd said. Noah nodded and went to join Finn in her kitchen, but Kurt held Syd back with a hand on her elbow.

“Before we join them,” he said. “There are a few things I want to make sure of, things that I’m not entirely sure Finn thought about.”

Syd narrowed her eyes at him, mind working fast, thinking back to everything she knew about Finn and “sex with women.”

“I’ve been tested,” she said. “I’m clean.”

Kurt smiled at her. “And it’s those leaps in logic that make you such a wonderful lawyer.”

Syd laughed. “Not too far a leap. I’ve known Finn a long time.” She didn’t need to mention specifics. College had been particularly train-wrecky for Finn, even if they hadn’t realized it at the time. No need to bring that up before—this. “I have to ask, are you really okay with this?”

Kurt looked at Syd for a long moment. “You’re family, Syd,” he said at length. “And if anybody knows the difference between just sex and sex with meaning, it’s Finn.” He grinned, suddenly. “After all, this is ‘regular sex’ for him.”

Syd snorted. “Me either.” She sighed. “This is weird.”

Kurt shrugged, and gestured for her to join the others in the kitchen. “Only as weird as we make it.”

In the end, it was decided that even would progress thusly: They would all retire to Syd’s bedroom, Noah would set up the television for Syd (“With, heh, _inspiring images._ ” Noah turned to Syd. “I brought some, but if you prefer your own…” Syd raised her eyebrow at him. “And what are you doing with lesbian porn?” “I plan ahead.”), and Kurt would help Finn get ready. Kurt and Noah would stay in the room, and when it was over, they’d order Thai and watch the newest Bond movie. They could try again in a few weeks if it didn’t take.

Syd watched Noah fiddle with her television. “This might be the strangest moresome I’ve ever been involved in.”

Noah flashed a grin over his shoulder and Finn asked, “Is it a moresome if only two people are having sex?”

Kurt smirked. “It is if we all have a good time.”

“Okay,” Finn clapped his hands together. “How’re we going to do this?” He looked at Syd.

Syd rolled her eyes, suddenly frustrated with the way she had just been letting this happen. This was her baby, dammit. Time to take a proactive role. She pulled off her top. “I’ll get on the bed. Join me when you’re ready, will you?”

Finn nodded, grabbing Kurt and pulling him close. “That works.”

Syd wiggled out of her pants and climbed onto the bed, laying on her stomach. “Well?” She nodded at Noah. “Do it up.” Noah hit play and settled back against the bed, watching with her. She held out her hand for the remote and he passed it to her. She fast-forwarded until she saw clothes starting to come off. He cocked his head to the side.

“Huh,” he said. “Flexible.”

Syd shrugged. “Yeah. She’s a little skinny for my tastes, but that right there makes it worth it.” The skinny woman on screen moaned and Syd was suddenly very aware of the wet sounds behind her as Kurt did _something_ to Finn. She really didn’t want to know what, but the sounds of sex were starting to get to her and she shifted on the bed.

She was surprised how comfortable this was. Here she was, naked in a room with three men, about to get fucked by one of them, and she was actually starting to enjoy herself. She held herself up on one elbow to work other arm underneath herself, sliding a finger between her folds to circle her clit. She was surprised by how wet she was, and wondered what unexplored kink she was hitting.

The bed dipped behind her and Syd had to brace herself to keep from rolling over. Kurt joined Noah on the floor in front of the bed with a quick kiss as Finn shuffled closer behind Syd. He braced a hand on her hip and said, “You ready?”

“Yeah,” she said, and pushed herself up as Finn stuffed her pillows under her hips. On the one hand, this was just about as sexy as a trip to her GYN, though Finn’s hands were warmer and she bet his dick wasn’t anything like a speculum. On the other hand, she was still comfortable with everything that was happening, so she focused on the television in front of her as Finn touched his fingers to her for the first time.

Finn was more skilled than she had anticipated, considering the complete lack of interest he’d had in women these past years. She had expected him to be a little rusty. Long minutes passed while he fingered her, and she rode an even current of pleasure (hey, friction was friction), but it wasn’t building and he was still using his fingers.

She let out a small sigh, and Kurt flicked his eyes to her face, then back at Finn. He smiled. “You all right back there, darling?”

“...yes?” Finn didn’t sound too sure, and Noah snickered.

“Stop laughing, asshole. It’s been a while,” Finn said. 

Kurt raised his eyebrows at Noah, and Noah nodded, standing and disappearing behind her. A moment later Finn moaned, and okay, that was a little weird, but then his fingers left her and he was pressing into her, large and very slick and if Syd thought very hard, she could pretend it was her girlfriend from two years ago, the one with the strap-on that glowed in the dark. She opened her eyes.

Kurt was watching her. “Are you okay?” he asked softly. Syd nodded.

“Yeah,” she said, and was surprised at how breathless she sounded. Finn started to move, and okay, there was friction.

“This is very strange,” Kurt said. He gestured to the television where the two girls were kissing, but very obviously hamming for the camera, looking into the lens far more than at each other, occasionally missing the other’s mouth completely.

Syd snorted. “That’s the problem with most girl-on-girl porn. It’s not designed for girls. It’s designed for guys who want to be in the middle.”

“I can’t say I don’t understand the appeal of being in the middle,” Kurt said. Noah laughed somewhere behind Syd’s left shoulder.

“Somehow, I can’t see you in the middle of two girls,” Noah said. “Except maybe for Santana and Brittany. That I can see.”

Kurt shuddered. “Bite your tongue.”

“Bite it for me.”

“I like the middle,” Finn said. He was panting, obviously working hard.

“That’s officially more than I need to know,” Syd said. “But honestly, I can’t stand it when they kiss like that. It’s that shit that makes guys think it’s okay to expect that all lesbians will invite them into their bedroom. It’s perpetuating a fantasy that’s not only demeaning to women by turning us into objects without opinions, but could be downright dangerous when we say ‘fuck off, we don’t want your dick’.”

Kurt hmmd. “It’s amazing, the amount of stereotypes that are perpetuated in porn. All gay men want to suck every straight guy’s dick. All lesbians really want a man in the middle. The fact that these stereotypes are perpetuated outside of porn says a lot about how porn influences the way we think about sex and sexuality.”

Syd laughed. “And that’s a scary thought considering some of the porn I’ve seen.”

Behind her, Finn shifted, changing the angle and reaching down with a hand to rub his fingers across her clit. All of a sudden Syd was _there_ , her orgasm building rapidly. “Oh, fuck!” she bit out, squeezing her eyes closed, and she barely heard Kurt and Noah leave the room as she came, gasping for breath and shuddering through the aftershocks as Finn thrust once, twice, and came with a groan.

Syd collapsed against the bed and Finn pressed his forehead between her shoulder blades for a long moment before pulling out and lying on the bed next to her. He was breathing heavily, and Syd stretched into the warm, heavy feeling of post orgasm. It wasn’t the best time she had had with another person, but it was far from the worst, and really, this whole crazy plan worked out better than she had hoped.

Noah moaned loudly just outside her bedroom door, and Syd smirked at the way Finn leaned towards the sound.

“And a good time was had by all,” Syd said. “Still don’t think I’m going to count this on my sexy-times bucket-list.” She folded her hands behind her head and considered reaching for her underwear. It would get chilly in a moment, but she didn’t really want to move, yet.

Finn chuckled, and it almost drowned out the sound of Kurt, high and breathy. “Syd,” he let his head fall to the side to look at her. “I really hoped that worked,” he said.

Syd blinked, and slowly turned her head to look at Finn, eyebrows raised.

“What?” Finn said. He shifted, uncomfortably. “That was hard!”

Syd snickered and it broke some kind of tension that she hadn’t realized was building, and then she was bawling with laughter, calming slightly then curling in on herself again when she looked at Finn and the confused/affronted look on his face. After a few moments, Finn let out a breath and laughed along.

“Yes, Finn,” she said once she had caught her breath.

She sat up, stretched and stood, and padded over to her dresser for clean underwear, clean sweatpants, and a tee-shirt.

“Hey Sid?” Finn asked. Syd turned as she finished pulling on her shirt to see him standing in just his boxers. “This isn’t going to get weird, is it?”

Syd thought for a minute. She still had no desire to sleep with him… again. He clearly had no desire to sleep with her. She shook her head. “Not at all. Why don’t you go make sure your husbands are decent and I’ll get the Thai menu.”

Finn grinned and nodded, stopping on his way out the door only long enough to pull her into a tight hug. Syd shook her head.

_Weirdest night ever._

She grabbed her cell phone and headed for the kitchen. She could kill for some peanut satay.

***

Three weeks later, Syd looked at the little blue plus sign on the pregnancy test in her hand.

 _Well, fuck_ , she thought, and grinned. She pulled out her phone, dialed and waited for Finn to pick up.

“I’m having a baby!”


End file.
